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In our recent live call (thanks to those who showed up for the call), we tackled a topic that has been increasingly prevalent among our coaching clients: agency. It's a phenomenon we've observed time and again—individuals who seemingly possess all the external prerequisites for success, yet still grapple with feelings of being stuck or concealed. This predicament stems from a common fallacy, one we've all been guilty of entertaining: the notion that our happiness and power hinge on external factors. We tell ourselves, "WHEN we have the right job, the perfect partner, or that elusive amount of money, then we'll finally be content and powerful." But here's the truth—it doesn't work that way.
This is where the significance of agency and gratitude comes into sharp focus. It's a revelation that goes beyond simply having the right tools or education; it's about nurturing an intrinsic sense of purpose (let's call it agency) and fostering a culture of gratitude in our lives.
In the following sections, we'll condense the key takeaways and pivotal messages from our live call.
Defining Agency
Let's break it down, shall we? The agency is like your backstage pass to life, granting you VIP access to call the shots, make the decisions, and rock the stage. It's your inner authorship, your power source, and the ultimate activator of change. In other words, you're not a passenger; you're the driver, the launcher, and the star of your own show.
Imagine this: You wake up and can't decide what to do, eat, or wear. You're blaming the universe because someone cut you off on your way to work. Resentment simmers beneath the surface, and you're feeling overwhelmed and defensive, asking, "Are you angry at me?" Sound familiar? These are the warning signs that you might be handing over your agency to external forces.
Now, let's flip the script. When you've got your agency game strong, you're decisive – no more agonizing over cereal or toast for breakfast. You have this innate sense of "figure-out-ability." Effective communication flows from your lips like poetry. You create purpose in your actions, engage actively with the world, and have an arsenal of resourcefulness at your disposal. You're not just present; you're fully immersed in the moment, with resilience and trust as your wingmen.
The Stimulus and Response
Life is a whirlwind of stimuli – from people and things to traffic jams and your boss's never-ending emails. The key is how you respond. Discovering the Space Between
In that tiny space between stimulus and response, you find the magic.
It's where you pause, reflect, and choose. It's like a forest, densely populated with your habitual reactions. But when you pause, you create a clearing, allowing your agency to shine through. Reacting is like setting your hair on fire and running through a field of gasoline. Responding is more like a graceful dance through a field of wildflowers. Pause, my friend, pause!
The brain hates it because it's energy-intensive, but it's where your power lies.
Embrace the Full Human Experience
Our goal is never to avoid all stress – that's impossible.
It's about building resilience so you can live life to the fullest. Avoiding discomfort means missing out on growth and joy.
We want all of it – the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable!
3 Things to Remember
1. Know the difference between In-control vs. Controlling
In-control means the power is within you. Controlling means you're handing it over to others or circumstances. Where do you want your power to reside?
2. Intentional Response vs. Reactive Response
Hiding and living in "miserable maybe" is just as painful as reacting impulsively. "If we can't avoid pain either way, which flavor of pain are you choosing?
3. Agency's not in your DNA, it's in the evidence you display!
You don't need a special genetic code for the agency. It's about the choices you make and the actions you take. It's like getting healthier through good food and exercise – anyone (who is willing to believe and put in effort) can do it. Imagine each decision you make as a swing of the ax, clearing your path through the dense forest of life. With every intentional choice, you create a clearing where your agency thrives. Your evidence is not in your DNA; it's in the way you shape your journey.
Self-Reflective Questions
"Who do I want to be in this situation?"
"How can I take ownership of my role in this situation?"
"Where is the power now?"
"Am I giving away my power?"
"How can I figure this out?"
Conclusion
You're the star of your show, the driver of your life, and the author of your story. Navigate those warning signs, dance in the space between, and embrace the full human experience. With agency in your corner, you'll be writing the most captivating chapters of your life!
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
The psychologist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl
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